Wait times for broken bones now exceeding 48 hours

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Wait times for broken bones now exceeding 48 hours

Fredericton — New Brunswickers who are sick of waiting to get their bone fractures set are being told, “Them’s the breaks.” Newly released figures show that New Brunswick has the longest wait times to get broken bones set in the country, and it’s not going to get better anytime soon according to medical experts. “My…

Source: The Manatee
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NB teens in mourning after losing streaks in Snapchat outage

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: NB teens in mourning after losing streaks in Snapchat outage

Moncton — New Brunswick youth are miserable today thanks to a snap judgment about the province made by a popular social networking platform. Teenagers “can’t even” (or whatever the hell else teens say when they are being dramatic) today due to Sunday’s Snapchat outage affecting all of New Brunswick. Spokespeople from the U.S.-based social networking…

Source: The Manatee
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Point Lepreau settlement to be paid in orimulsion

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Point Lepreau settlement to be paid in orimulsion

Fredericton — NB Power’s latest financial windfall was a huge win for the utility, but it might not be exactly what people are expecting according to NB Power CEO Gaëtan Thomas. In an ironic twist, it was revealed today that NB Power’s financial settlement with insurers for delays and missteps with the Point Lepreau Nuclear Generating…

Source: The Manatee
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Jesus: Good Friday not so great for Me

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Jesus: Good Friday not so great for Me

Undisclosed location — More than 2,000 years later, He wouldn’t change a thing….except maybe the holiday name. Granting His first exclusive interview in more than two millennia to The Manatee, Jesus of Nazareth says that He would do it all over again if asked. That said, He admitted the holiday name is mildly annoying to…

Source: The Manatee
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Everybody: Mother Nature didn’t get memo about spring

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Everybody: Mother Nature didn’t get memo about spring

The Maritimes — According to every single person with lips and a mouth in the Maritime provinces, Mother Nature did not get the memo that Tuesday, March 20 was the first day of spring. “What’s up with this weather? I thought it was spring!” said every single goddamned person, even though they know that’s not how…

Source: The Manatee
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NB Power proposes one-time charges to solve all its problems

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: NB Power proposes one-time charges to solve all its problems

Fredericton — When asked how it is going to solve its financial woes, NB Power riffed on pop star Justin Bieber’s hit song — they are going to do it one-time. On Monday, NB Power announced that they were considering a so-called “weather tax” to pay for unexpected expenses from winter storm damage. The utility…

Source: The Manatee
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Darling wants to listen to fewer Saint Johners complain

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Darling wants to listen to fewer Saint Johners complain

Saint John — After just half of his term as mayor of Saint John, Don Darling has realized that his current job is more miserable than he previously anticipated. Darling announced this week that he is trying to constrain the amount of bitching and moaning that he needs to endure by running for the provincial…

Source: The Manatee
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NB Power using Point Lepreau to mine Bitcoin

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: NB Power using Point Lepreau to mine Bitcoin

Fredericton — As the March 31 fiscal year-end approaches and the Energy and Utility Board hearings continue, NB Power is lifting the veil on its latest plan to deal with its enormous debt. NB Power CEO Gaëtan Thomas said on Tuesday that the publicly owned utility will use the excess electrical capacity from Point Lepreau Nuclear…

Source: The Manatee
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