DFO: North Atlantic right whales are huge dopey klutzes

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: DFO: North Atlantic right whales are huge dopey klutzes

Cape Breton — The results of the latest necropsies of two dead North Atlantic right whales have yielded some unflattering facts about these pitiful, unlucky creatures. According to the Department of Fisheries and Oceans, the postmortem examinations reveal that right whales are simply humongous dopey klutzes bumbling around the ocean like total doofuses. In addition,…

Source: The Manatee
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N.B. legalizes parking wherever the eff you want if stopping at yard sales

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: N.B. legalizes parking wherever the eff you want if stopping at yard sales

Fredericton — If one of your pet peeves is nowhere to park at a yard sale, worry no longer. The province of New Brunswick is giving the green light to just parking wherever the eff you want as long as you’re stopping at a yard sale. “Really, we are just formalizing what’s already happening,” admitted…

Source: The Manatee
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Forecast: Summer weather only nice when you have to work

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Forecast: Summer weather only nice when you have to work

Fredericton — After a poor weather weekend of pouring rain, Environment Canada confirmed today what many had already begun to suspect. According to the latest global and regional forecast models, the summer of 2019 will have hot and sunny weather in New Brunswick. However, those warm, pleasant days that we dream of during the long…

Source: The Manatee
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NB Power invests $22 million into Infinity Stone research

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: NB Power invests million into Infinity Stone research

Fredericton — NB Power’s investments into implausible new power sources may seem strange to some, but the company president is marvelling at his new banner programs. In fact, CEO Gaëtan Thomas is vowing to vanquish NB Power’s historic debt like a black widow spider-man by using the limitless power of the Infinity Stone technology. “Of…

Source: The Manatee
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Premier Higgs and Kevin Vickers face-off on this week’s Manatee Political Panel

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Premier Higgs and Kevin Vickers face-off on this week’s Manatee Political Panel

Fredericton — It’s the battle of the baby boomers on this week’s edition of The Manatee Political Panel! In one corner, legendary bad-ass and newly minted Liberal leader: Kevin Vickers! And, in the other corner we have the prince of penny pinching, the king of cuts: Premier Blaine Higgs! In their first of many head-to-head…

Source: The Manatee
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New study: Best time to start French immersion is at birth

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: New study: Best time to start French immersion is at birth

Fredericton — Educators and French-second-language advocates are reeling from a new study released today on the best entry point for students to start French immersion. The new research shows that the most advantageous time to begin French immersion isn’t Grade 5 or Grade 3 or even Grade 1. To get the best outcomes for mastering…

Source: The Manatee
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DNA test reveals NB Power CEO is one-quarter smart meter

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: DNA test reveals NB Power CEO is one-quarter smart meter

Fredericton — The NB Power communications team was in full damage-control mode today after a shocking report was leaked to the media last night. The electrifying memo revealed the results of the NB Power CEO’s Ancestry DNA test, showing that Gaëtan Thomas is three-quarters human being and one-quarter smart meter. The confidential document outlined irrefutable…

Source: The Manatee
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NB gov’t finally admits no cellphones while driving a hoax

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: NB gov’t finally admits no cellphones while driving a hoax

Saint John — What’s black and white and taken seriously by almost no one? You guessed it — New Brunswick’s cellphone ban while driving. And, New Brunswick’s minister of Public Safety is finally admitting the law was never intended to be enforced. The panned ban was actually a practical joke on the province’s police that…

Source: The Manatee
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