Premier Higgs offers finance minister job to Brian Gallant

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Premier Higgs offers finance minister job to Brian Gallant

Fredericton — History is allegedly repeating itself this week in the provincial capital. Premier Blaine Higgs announced today that he is offering the job of finance minister to defeated premier Brian Gallant. During the 2018 election campaign, Higgs bizarrely claimed that Gallant offered him the finance minister job after the Tories lost in 2014. And,…

Source: The Manatee
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Online shoppers forced to face stores full of grouchy a-holes

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Online shoppers forced to face stores full of grouchy a-holes

Atlantic Canada — Well, it was nice while it lasted. With less than a week left until Christmas morning, Martimers who have avoided the human wasteland of the shopping malls and department stores to date this year now have no other option. “Oh my god, I guess I have to make myself go,” dreaded Halifax…

Source: The Manatee
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The Grinch that stopped Christmas spending

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: The Grinch that stopped Christmas spending

Fredericton — Every person in New Brunswick liked spending a LOT. But Premier Grinch — from Woodstock — definitely did NOT! Premier Grinch hated spending! The whole budget season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be he governed too far to the right. It could be, perhaps, that he spent…

Source: The Manatee
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Blaine Higgs defends fracking on this week’s Manatee Political Panel

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Blaine Higgs defends fracking on this week’s Manatee Political Panel

Fredericton – Holy frack! Who has two thumbs and loves shale gas? Premier Blaine frickin’ Higgs, that’s who! Premier Higgs loves fracking so much, he injected an end to the fracking moratorium right into the throne speech. “A vote to end the shale gas moratorium in the throne speech?” you say. “Really? Who does that?”…

Source: The Manatee
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People’s Alliance says no to fracking before marriage

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: People’s Alliance says no to fracking before marriage

Fredericton — As the combustible debate around hydraulic fracturing is reignited at the legislature this week, the new populist Conservative party is laying out its conditions to support the resumption of fracking in New Brunswick. “Obviously, everyone agrees that explicit consent of the parties involved is critical,” said Alliance Leader Kris Austin. “But, we don’t…

Source: The Manatee
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Brain Gallant to New Brunswickers: ‘Peace out, boy scouts!’

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Brain Gallant to New Brunswickers: ‘Peace out, boy scouts!’

Fredericton — Outgoing Liberal leader Brian Gallant is having the best day ever. After putting up with all of New Brunswick’s bullshit as Liberal leader over the past five years, he announced today that he’s moving on to a new job: being awesome and chewing gum — and he’s all out of gum. “Don’t get…

Source: The Manatee
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Trump warns ‘Canada goose caravans’ heading toward U.S. border

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Trump warns ‘Canada goose caravans’ heading toward U.S. border

New Brunswick — In a startling and puzzling escalation of xenophobic rhetoric, President Donald Trump today vowed to take swift action against groups of unauthorized migrants streaming into the United States. “It’s nothing less than an invasion,” warned Trump from Washington, D.C. “They are very, very bad. They have no jobs, no health care, no skills,…

Source: The Manatee
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Ambulance NB hires 200 paramedics who speak only Portuguese

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Ambulance NB hires 200 paramedics who speak only Portuguese

Moncton — To the astonishment of many, the Higgs provincial government has solved New Brunswick’s paramedic crisis after only a few hours in office. And at the same time, they have brought 200 new immigrant families to the Picture Province. Ambulance New Brunswick announced today that due to Higgs’ loosening the language restrictions on hiring…

Source: The Manatee
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