Brain Gallant to New Brunswickers: ‘Peace out, boy scouts!’

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Brain Gallant to New Brunswickers: ‘Peace out, boy scouts!’

Fredericton — Outgoing Liberal leader Brian Gallant is having the best day ever. After putting up with all of New Brunswick’s bullshit as Liberal leader over the past five years, he announced today that he’s moving on to a new job: being awesome and chewing gum — and he’s all out of gum. “Don’t get…

Source: The Manatee
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Trump warns ‘Canada goose caravans’ heading toward U.S. border

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Trump warns ‘Canada goose caravans’ heading toward U.S. border

New Brunswick — In a startling and puzzling escalation of xenophobic rhetoric, President Donald Trump today vowed to take swift action against groups of unauthorized migrants streaming into the United States. “It’s nothing less than an invasion,” warned Trump from Washington, D.C. “They are very, very bad. They have no jobs, no health care, no skills,…

Source: The Manatee
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Ambulance NB hires 200 paramedics who speak only Portuguese

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Ambulance NB hires 200 paramedics who speak only Portuguese

Moncton — To the astonishment of many, the Higgs provincial government has solved New Brunswick’s paramedic crisis after only a few hours in office. And at the same time, they have brought 200 new immigrant families to the Picture Province. Ambulance New Brunswick announced today that due to Higgs’ loosening the language restrictions on hiring…

Source: The Manatee
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Nobody wants second-worst job at NB legislature

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Nobody wants second-worst job at NB legislature

Fredericton — It’s a dirty job and somebody’s got to do it. But so far, there are no takers for the second-worst job at the New Brunswick legislature — Speaker of the House. And while the second-worst job still has no candidates despite its many perks, the by-far worst job at the legislative assembly —…

Source: The Manatee
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Report: ‘Pretty sure that guy is high,’ says your grandmother

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Report: ‘Pretty sure that guy is high,’ says your grandmother

Saint John — Keep your eyes on that person over there, and those people behind that building too. She doesn’t like the looks of them, and they are almost certainly “stoned out of their gourds.” According to a new report released today by your grandmother, anyone that seems “iffy” to her in any way is…

Source: The Manatee
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Government: Smoking is OK now

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Government: Smoking is OK now

Fredericton — In a sudden and dramatic reversal, the federal and provincial governments of Canada are burning up their previous public health warnings about smoking. Starting today with the legalization of pot, smoking is once again set to become a hot new trend across the nation. In New Brunswick in particular, lighting up a dried…

Source: The Manatee
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NB Green Party gives tips on playing ‘hard to get’

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: NB Green Party gives tips on playing ‘hard to get’

Fredericton — David Coon and his new team of two MLAs are giving out tips on how to seem interested in getting together…but not too interested, if you know what he means. Today in Fredericton, the granola-eating tree-hugging yoga-loving party said that the key to playing political “hard to get” is really as simple as getting…

Source: The Manatee
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Gallant, Higgs agree to joint custody of New Brunswick

From Shawn on “The Manatee”: Gallant, Higgs agree to joint custody of New Brunswick

Fredericton — New Brunswick Liberals and Tories called a family meeting on Tuesday to announce that there will be some big changes happening at the House, but it’s not anything that anyone should be worried about. In a historic and unconventional custody agreement, Brian Gallant and Blaine Higgs announced today that they will share power…

Source: The Manatee
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