Trump to break up with Canada, trade with ‘younger, hotter’ country

item-thumbnailFrom Shawn on “The Manatee”: Trump to break up with Canada, trade with ‘younger, hotter’ country

Washington D.C. — During his daily 5 a.m. poop tweet session on Sunday morning, U.S. President Donald Trump shocked Canadians by musing openly about walking out on Canada to trade with a “younger, hotter” country. “Canada is 150 years old?” he tweeted. “Didn’t realize, wow…so old, hardly ever warm. Need to start trading with younger,…

Source: The Manatee
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Listicle: Top 10 other clubs Justin Trudeau joined this week

item-thumbnailFrom Shawn on “The Manatee”: Listicle: Top 10 other clubs Justin Trudeau joined this week

Ottawa — This past week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau garnered delight and scorn as he became the newest member of “Gary’s Hug Club” on CBC Kids. After word of his new membership in Gary’s Hug Club lit up the Internet, the prime minister joined a number of other lesser-known clubs in an effort to reach…

Source: The Manatee
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Baby boomers throw shade at new tax on ‘Transitions’ lenses

item-thumbnailFrom Shawn on “The Manatee”: Baby boomers throw shade at new tax on ‘Transitions’ lenses

Fredericton — Many New Brunswick baby boomers are wearing their sunglasses at night due to the rampant popularity of Transitions prescription glasses. However, many feel the government is going to switch the blade on the guy in shades by introducing a new luxury tax on the lightless lenses. “We used to the think the government…

Source: The Manatee
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Report: New Brunswickers skeptical about existence of ‘ellipticals’

item-thumbnailFrom Shawn on “The Manatee”: Report: New Brunswickers skeptical about existence of ‘ellipticals’

Saint John — In an online landscape full of fake news and media uncertainty, there is a new mystery concerning New Brunswick that is spreading around the Internet like a virus. On Wednesday, Google Trends released a report of the most often misspelled words in Canada by province. While Nova Scotians wrecked “yacht,” “colour” confounded Ontarians, and…

Source: The Manatee
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Climate withdraws from Donald Trump

item-thumbnailFrom Shawn on “The Manatee”: Climate withdraws from Donald Trump

Washington D.C. — In an unprecedented move that has scientists puzzled and the Secret Service reeling, the climate of planet Earth has withdrawn from U.S. president Donald Trump. Now, as the president is kept alive by golden tanks of the most luxurious oxygen that money can buy, scientists are working feverishly to make the American respirate again. “I’ve…

Source: The Manatee
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